Friday, March 6, 2015

Free Write #3 [Optimism]

This is a free write.
No rhyming.
No beats.
No spitting bars.
No nothing.
Because I'm writing how I'm feeling.
And I cannot stop to process what I'm writing.
Or what I'm doing.
Or what I'm feeling.
Or to just sit here and think of potential synonyms to the words I'm looking for.
Because I'm overcome by emotion.
And I want to get them down before I lose them.
And I want to pent them up in this post before I forget what it felt like to feel like this.
To be honest, what do I feel?
What are feelings?
Why are they so complicated?
And why am I not sure about how I feel?
Why is there a a color grey?
Why can't things just be clear,
Black or white?
My worries
They keep coming back every time I get rid of them.


There was a period of time where I thought I had the world in my hands.
There was a period of time where I thought I had finally belonged.
There was a period of time where I thought I didn't have to wait anymore.
That this period of time was what I was waiting for.
That this period of time was what I worked so hard for.
That this period of time proved that karma existed.
But it was too short.
It quickly turned into a period of time where I got stressed out.
A period of time where I felt the whole world was mad at me.
A period of time where nothing worked my way.
And I'm still in this period of time.
But at my lowest
lowest
lowest
lowest 
lowest
point in life
There is nowhere to go but up.
And I will get to my high again.

I had a free write number two.
It's still in my drafts.
I contemplated
and had trouble deciding
whether or not I should post what it stated.
It's dark
So dark
Darker than the night on a new moon.
Darker than the bags under my eyes.
Darker than a satirical novel that covers all of this world's problems.
Darker than the darkest shade of black.
Vantablack I think it's called.
So dark you can't even see the walls.
The boundaries.
Like a hellish oblivion.
A dark extending to infinity.
And I decided not to let it out.
Because sometimes you need to let things out to feel better.
But sometimes you just feel better when you keep it to yourself.
Because sometimes no one needs to know your darkest secret.
Because that's what makes us individuals.
And we all go through hills and valleys
At different times.